Bancuri

[cosminnuss]

Propun un thread cu bancuri! Cine are bancuri tari este rugat sa le imparta si cu restul colegilor. Cine nu o face primeste 5 flotari ca penalizare

Incep eu:
Condamnatul la moarte isi asteapta executia. Directorul inchisorii, om milos din fire, afla ca nefericitul sufera de inima, asa ca ii spune calaului: -Du-te si instiinteaza-l pe condamnat ca maine va avea loc executia publica. Dar spune-i-o asa, pe ocolite, sa nu faca un atac de cord, sa moara! Calaul se duce sa execute ordinul. Se apropie de condamnat, si incepe sa-l gadile pe gat: -Gâdi, gâdi, pe cine spanzuram noi maine?

[shomoyoque]

Sec: Am doi cai si trei sunt ai mei!

[cosminnuss]

Asta ca si:

Un taran avea doi cai. Unul era maro si altul era mai in colo

sau

Doi copii numarau o bila

Cel din urma avea si o continuare dar nu o mai stiu... Dau o bere pentru cel care stie

[Bogdan]

Una era alba si una era neagra

[cosminnuss]

Imi amintesc ca era mai funny... Dar hai. Fie! Sunt dator cu o bere

Ed: Cred ca era "Si dupa juma de ora s-au incurcat"

[shomoyoque]

Intrebare: - Se poate ramane insarcinata de la distanta ?
Raspuns: - Da, daca distanta e mai mica decat lungimea

[shomoyoque]

Un bulldog merge pe stradă si, deodată, ajunge în dreptul unui gard pe care scrie: "Câine Rău!"
Sună el la poartă si îi răspunde un câine mititel.
-Mă-ta-i acasă?
-Nu.
-Tactu-i acasă?
-Nu!
-Atunci cine-i câinele rău?
-Eu, că nu pap tot din farfurie...


P.S. - Daca sunt rasuflate sa-mi ziceti ca le sterg....

[cosminnuss]

Nuuuu. Lasa-le! Macar stim ca nu o sa le mai posteze si altcineva

Ultimul, cu catelusul, e tare

shomoyoque: rupe capul!!!!!

[shomoyoque]

2 cowboys intr-un desert pustiu, calare, dupa un mars sustinut de doua saptamani fiecare, se opresc fata in fata la 30 de metrii unul de altul......

Urmeaza 10-15 minute de liniste si supans, priviri ucigatoare, dinti scrasnind etc..... baloti din aia de paie rostogoliti de vant..... tot tacamu' din desert..... In fine, unul din ei se incumeta sa deschida gura :
- Cati ?
Pfuaa... Haos, priviri si mai ucigatoare, tensiune sa o tai cu cutitul etc. Mai trec 10 minute, in sfarsit raspunde celalalt :
- Cinci...
Maaamaaa... Amandoi si mai incruntati, caii necheaza furiosi, mainile se opresc pe pistoale, stres maxim etc. Intr-un final, celalalt ridica o spranceana si maraie :
- Ce cinci... ?
Pfuaaa.. tensiunea e la maxim .... se apropie de paroxism, nervi intinsi la fel... Mai trec 10 minute, in sfarsit raspunde si celalalt :
- Ce cati.. ?

[mugurel]

dom' doctor vine la pacient:
-am o veste proasta si una buna. pe care sa ti-o zic mai intai?
pacientu:
-pe aia proasta...
doctoru:
- esti bolnav de cancer! si aia buna: a luat fie-mea la facultate

[Bogdan]

Astea sunt mortale...
http://www.planetamoldova.net/origini.php

[PsH]

Stati asa, bancuri vreti? Avea mailul de la birou plin, dar sa vad ce mai gasesc!

[PsH]

Nigga` Jokes



Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.

How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.

Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

What do nigger kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.

What's a niggers idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."

What is a nigger on a bike?
Thief.

What is the worst 3 years of a niggers life?
First grade.

What is a nigger?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
"I set WHO free?"

Why is interrogating a Mexican like a pool ball?
The harder you hit it the more English you get.

How many niggers does it take to pave a driveway?
One if you spread him real thin.

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black.

Why don't nigger women wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies off the chicken.

Why does Alabama have niggers and California have earthquakes?
California got first pick.

Why do Mexican cars have those little steering wheels?
So they can drive handcuffed.

Why are niggers like sperm?
Only one in a million actually work.

Why do police dogs lick their ass?
To get the taste of nigger out of their mouth.

What can a pizza do that a nigger can't?
Feed a family of four.

Why did the nigger carry a piece of shit in his wallet?
I.D.

What is red green yellow orange purple and pink?
A nigger dressed for church.

Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

What do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla.

What's the difference between niggers and pit-bulls?
It's still legal to own a pit-bull.

What do you say to a black man in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."

Who were the three most famous women in black history?
Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!

What do you do if you see a nigger with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload.

Why did god create orgasms?
So niggers know when to stop.

Why can't nigger women become nuns?
Because they can't get used to saying 'superior' after 'Mother'.

How do you fit 15 niggers in the back of a Cadillac?
Don't worry, they'll figure it out.

Whats blue and hangs in my front yard?
My nigger I can paint him whatever color I want.

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years?
Because one of them lost a quarter.

What does N.A.A.C.P stand for?
Niggers Are Always Causing Problems

What do a nigger and an apple have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

Why are niggers always buried 12 feet deep?
Deep down they're good people.

What's black, orange, and very pretty?
A nigger on fire.

What do you have if you've got a nigger up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement.

How was copper wire invented?
Two jews fighting over a penny.

How do you starve a nigger?
Hide his welfare check under his work boots.

Why are there trees in Harlem?
Public transportation.

What do you say when you see your T.V. floating around at night?
"Drop it nigger."

What happened when the nigger looked up his family tree?
A gorilla shit on his face.

Why don't niggers like blowjobs?
They don't like any jobs.

What do you call a nigger priest?
Holy shit.

Why don't mexicans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.

Why do mexicans have re-fried beans?
Have you ever heard of a mexican doing anything right the first time?

What are three things you can't give a nigger?
A black eye, a fat lip and an education.

What does Pontiac stand for?
Poor Old Niggers Think Its A Cadillac.

Do you remember the nigger family on the Jetsons? No?
The future looks pretty good!

Did you hear about the nigger that thought he was bleeding to death?
Turns out he just had diarrhea.

Why don't jews like oral sex?
It's too close to the gas chamber.

Why do niggers drive with their windows up?
They think the smell is coming from outside.

Why do niggers like basket ball?
It involves running, shooting and stealing.

[silvius]

sec
'Iti trage motorul?'
'Trage, trage'
'Pai cum trage, trage bine?'
...
trage sa moara

dak e rasuf... dati delete

[PsH]

O blonda se trezeste la ora 8 plina de sudori. La ora 9 se trezesc si
sudorii si pleaca.